I am very torn between my best friend and her boyfriend. I have been sleeping with her boyfriend on my lunch hours from work. It has been going on for about a year now.
I am feeling very worried and anxious every time that I see her. I can’t find the right words to tell her what’s been going on.
For a while I thought I had fallen in love with her boyfriend. Now, I am not so sure.
He says that he loves me. However he says he won’t tell my best friend about us, or even break up with her. He says that she would be devastated without him in her life, as she is in love with him.
This seems like a never-ending saga. It was kind of exciting at first. But now I am starting to feel very manipulated and used.
I remember my grandmother used to say “why buy the cow when you get the milk for free.” He definitely has been getting me for free.
I feel so used, and abused. This guy is an absolute master at manipulation. I have nowhere to turn. What should I do?
I am sure that you are worried. You have made many poor choices and decisions here.
It troubles me that nowhere in your letter do you say that you are sorry for what you have done to your friend.
Instead, you are just tired of being used by this guy. Of course, the truth is that he is a total jerk and that he is using both you and your girlfriend.
You need to do three things, and do them right away.
The first thing to do is to break up with this loser. He is nothing but trouble.
Even if he were to leave your friend for you, this relationship would continue to be a disaster. You would never be able to trust him. He is a liar and a cheat.
The second thing you need to do is to tell your best friend what has been going on. It is hard for you to find the “right words” because what has been going on is terrible. So, for once, simply tell her the truth.
It is highly likely that she will no longer be your friend. Actions have consequences. Your actions were dishonest, disloyal and wrong. She is going to be extremely hurt and sad.
However, you have been doing the wrong thing for so long, that you must now do the right thing, no matter what the cost to you. Tell her the truth.
Finally, you must learn from this situation. Never, ever do such a thing again.
The only saving grace is that you will be out of this mess, and you can get on with your life. And, after some time of healing, your girlfriend will be able to get on with hers. You owe her that.
What advice can you give to a college student about budgeting? It seems like I am always short on money.
With fast food being so expensive, I know that I should pack my lunch for example. However, it is so convenient to grab food on the go.
Also, I am so busy that my schedule crunch makes it very difficult to find the time to make packing my lunch a normal habit.
What suggestions can you give to me?
Signed, Busy but Broke
Dear Busy but Broke,
I think that you know the answer to your question. You just need to give yourself 10 minutes more to pack yourself a nutritious and economical lunch.
The truth is probably that it is more fun to eat out then to bring your lunch. So, you have to decide what means more to you. Is it saving money or eating out?
It is easy to justify to yourself that any individual meal is not very expensive. However, as you are discovering, the costs add up.
So, you need to show self-restraint and will power. Determine how often you can afford to eat out, and then stick to your budget.
Other tips for saving money are to watch videos rather than go to the movies. You can also have friends over and play games. You can ask everyone to bring one “pot luck” item, so the costs of the party won’t be high.
All in all, you need to determine exactly how much money you bring in each month. Then determine what your expenses are. Add in a bit for savings. The remainder is what you can spend for food and entertainment.
Keep track of how you are spending your money. Write it down whenever you buy something. Add it up at the end of the month. Compare that with your income.
Budgeting is a skill that you will need even after you are out of school. It will be good if you can get into the habit of doing it now.
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