I have a friend named Danielle, and she has always been there for me through thick and thin. She has been my closest friend, and is the only one that knows about my family history and my personal problems.
My family has gone through several issues, and she was always the one that I could turn to for help, and a shoulder to lean on.
She was my best friend in the whole wide world until she got herself a boyfriend. It seem that every time I try to talk to her about my issues, that she does not care as much as she used to.
We used to hang out whenever we could, and now she spends all of her time with her boyfriend. I feel abandoned by her.
She never calls me to talk or to hang out anymore. Whenever I try to talk to her, it is just not the same.
The distance between us is just too far. I do not think that Danielle is interested in being my friend anymore.
I feel like I have no one to turn to about my problems, and no one to care for me in my time of need. How will I address the next crisis in my life?
I need to know that there is someone there to worry for me, and to let me know that there is still hope.
Please let me know what it is that you think that I should do.
Signed, Lost and Alone
Dear Lost and Alone,
It often happens that girlfriends can drift apart when one of them gets into a relationship with a guy. Many times, the answer is simply time.
Sometimes the relationships don’t work out, and the guy and girl will break up. Or, sometimes as time passes, the girl will miss the time with her girlfriends, and reach out to them more.
So, you may hear more from Danielle if you are patient, and wait.
However, there is something else I want you to consider. It is possible that there was way too much drama in your life, and Danielle is content to be away from it.
You need to really think about whether you were relying on her too much. If she was the one that you ran to every time that you had a problem, that burden may have started to weigh heavily on her.
Now that she has a boyfriend, and has put some distance between the two of you, Danielle my actually be having some feelings of relief.
Of course it is nice to have a friend to turn to when you are having problems. However, you need to be self reliant, and not depend on her for the answers to your issues, and to be the one to “worry for you”.
Think about the last few times you did get together with her. Do you think that she had a nice time? Or did you unload on her regarding all of the problems that you have going on in your life?
If the latter is the case, than you need to realize that she may be avoiding you for reasons other than her now having a boyfriend.
I love my parents to death! They are always behind me, and all of my life they have helped me every step of the way.
They have always really pushed me, and helped me to strive to reach my goals. Many times, when I was in high school, and too tired to study, they would encourage me.
I would then find myself trying ever harder, and pushing myself. Ultimately, I did very well, and they were always so proud of me.
However, now I am a college student, in my second year. They still push me to succeed, but they give me no rewards or congratulations when I do well. They just begin to focus on my next goal, and push me to achieve it.
It is extremely difficult for me to be passionate about my goals when I can’t stop and smell the roses. They are constantly driving me to work, and I never seem to relax.
How can I tell my parents that I still need the “Yay” or “Hooray” in order to stay focused (and sane!)?
I don’t want to hurt their feelings.
Signed, Dutiful Daughter
Dear Dutiful Daughter,
There are really two issues here. First of all, as you become more of an adult, you hopefully will see that you need to be able to achieve your goals because YOU want to. It should not be only because you want to please your parents.
As that occurs, you will not be so dependent on their praise for you to feel rewarded. As you accomplish your goals, you should begin to feel more and more your own sense of pride.
The second issue is that you do need to allow yourself to relax. It is very reasonable that you would like some free time, since you have been pushing yourself so hard for so many years.
You do not need your parent’s permission. You know what needs to be done, and you know when it needs to be done.
So, set you own schedule. Do not feel guilty when you relax. And do not look to them for praise when you succeed.
As you become more and more independent, you will probably feel much better about both work and play.
– Marilyn Tortolano
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