Dear Marilyn,
I am a 20-year-old student, and I am facing the crisis of my life. Ever since I turned 20, things have been frustrating, devastating and out of control.
As the age of nineteen came it an end, I truly was thrilled about turning 20. I was no longer going to be a teenager.
I thought to myself that the new age would bring new opportunities and experiences. I was so wrong.
The first thing that I did was to really start thinking about my future. I was constantly talking to my boyfriend about this and that, and what our future plans were going to be.
My boyfriend became very frustrated. He said that all that I was doing lately was nagging him. Our relationship hit rock bottom quickly, and then it ended.
Right after that came my birthday. I was introduced, through a friend of mind to a whole new crowd of people. They were very wealthy and not the kind of people that I was used to hanging out with.
I thought that they were truly genuine “friends” and that they knew how to have fun. As I partied my birthday weekend away with rich friends that I had nothing in common with, I knew deep down that something was wrong.
After a few weeks, I began to distance myself from the crowd. I don’t think that they miss me, and I certainly don’t miss them.
Then finally, a third thing happened. I was called into work on my day off. I thought that was odd.
It’s a part-time job, and I had asked for several days off in the previous few weeks, to celebrate my birthday. My boss didn’t say anything about it at the time.
But, when he called me in, he said that due to the economy he had to lay someone off. He said that he was sorry, but it had to be me, as I was not reliable. I was truly shocked.
What can I do to improve the devastating days of being 20? My friends all have told me, “Oh my gosh! 20 was honestly the worst year of my life!”
I am having a hard time with all of this. Any suggestions would be helpful.
Signed, Twenty and Totally Not Thriving
Dear Twenty and Totally Not Thriving,
You certainly have had a tough time of it! You have broken up with your boyfriend, wasted your time on your birthday partying with a group of jerks, and then you lost your job.
My suggestion is simple. Learn from your mistakes.
You had set your expectations way too high about your birthday. You thought that leaving the teen years behind was going to cause a magical change in your life. As you have seen, you were wrong.
So, pick up the pieces and start again. Make sure you realize that the rest of your 20th year does not have to end the way that it started.
Start looking for another job. And, when you find it, make sure that you are extremely reliable. Imagine that you are the boss, and think about what type of employee you would want to have. Then be that employee.
Volunteer to work all of the needed shifts. Be friendly to your coworkers and your customers.
You may want to call your ex boyfriend. Let him know that you have thought a lot about what happened between you, and that you are very sorry.
He may or may not be willing to give you another chance. But, either way, it will be a good thing to apologize to him.
Finally, focus on the good things that are happening in your life. Don’t dwell on your disappointments. Find things to enjoy.
Don’t make this mistake next year, when you turn 21. You will find that each new year is full of ups and downs. Some things will change. Some things will remain the same. There is no magic age. Each one is exactly what you make of it.
Dear Marilyn,
I have a problem. I am a very busy college student. I go to school, and I go to work, and I spend the free time that I do have with my girlfriend.
The problem is that I don’t spend enough time with my guy friends, and I miss that.
I love to hang out with my girlfriend. She is great. However, sometimes it is nice to just get away and hang out with the guys.
How do I tell my girlfriend this without offending her?
Signed, Jeff
Dear Jeff,
Tell her exactly the way that you told me. Let her know that she is terrific, and that you love spending time with her.
Then let her know that with your busy schedule, you haven’t had much time to spend with your guy friends, and that once in a while you’d like to do that as well.
This is reasonable, and it should not offend her. If she is as great as you think she is, she should understand, and not give you a hassle about it.
Finally, it would be a nice thing for you to call her when you get back from hanging with the guys, and plan for the next time you will be together.
Dear Readers, please send your questions to Dear Marilyn, c/o Garden Grove Journal, 12866 Main St. #203, Garden Grove, Ca. 92840. Or, send an e-mail to Dear Marilyn, at ggjournal@aol.com.
