I am an 18-year-old guy. My mom and I always used to get along, but lately she has been driving me absolutely nuts. I can’t wait until I can move out, but I can’t afford to yet.
She has been out of work due to an injury for the last couple of months. It seems to me that all that she does is sit around at home, watch TV, sleep and hassle me.
She and I have been getting into more and more arguments. She says that I am giving her attitude and that I need to show her more respect.
I get that. She is my mom. However, it is hard to respect someone that sits on her rear end and does nothing all day.
Signed, Frustrated Son
Dear Frustrated Son,
There are a couple of issues here. The first one is that as a person gets into his mid to late teens, it is quite common for his attitude to change toward his parents.
A parent that seemed almost perfect to a young person, all of a sudden seems to have changed. It is really the young person that is changing.
For example parental rules that seemed reasonable to a younger person seem unfair or unrealistic to a teen.
So, what you are experiencing is really not uncommon.
The second issue is that it sounds like you don’t really think that your mom’s injury is all that severe. Perhaps you believe that it is not really bad enough for her to be off of work.
So, for both of these issues, I would say that you need to cut her some slack. You don’t really know what her medical situation is. Please try to give her the benefit of the doubt here.
She is your mom. You need to understand that the two of you are not going to agree on everything. That does not mean, however, that these disagreements have to turn into arguments.
When you see your discussions turning into arguments, please try to look at the issue from her point of view, as well as your own.
Also, focus on keeping your tone civil. Keep your sense of humor, as well. These tips should help you.
Finally, there is a good chance that after you are older, and have moved out on your own, you will again relate well with your mom. Time will be your friend in this situation. Be patient.
I moved here from Puerto Rico about two years ago. I was kind of a party girl in high school there, and wanted to come here to go to school, and kind of start over.
I started from scratch here in California. I had passed the deadlines for state university enrollment, so I went to a community college.
I thought that I had two options. One was to completely disconnect myself, and spend all of my time studying. The other was to be the social butterfly that I was back home.
I took option B. It just sort of happened. I was so lonely, and I make friends easily. Before I knew it, I wasn’t spending enough time with my studies.
Last semester, right before the deadlines for Cal State University enrollment, I procrastinated, but managed to apply just in time.
Recently, I got a letter saying that due to my grades and the budget crisis, I have not been accepted as a transfer student next semester.
I am so disappointed. I have been tossing and turning at night. I cry when I think of the time that I have wasted. I don’t want to go back to Puerto Rico without a diploma, and no accomplishments.
I feel like a loser. What do you recommend?
Signed, Ms. Black Cloud
Dear Ms. Black Cloud,
What I recommend is that you learn from your mistakes. You were a party girl at home, and you became one here. This prevented you from achieving your goals.
So, you need to wipe your tears and resolve to change your behavior and your social habits.
Focus on your schoolwork at the community college and improve it. Then, next semester, apply again.
Don’t procrastinate next time. Get your application in as soon as possible when admissions open up again for the spring semester.
You can still accomplish your dreams. You just have to want to succeed in school more than you want to party with your friends.
Once you come to that realization, you will see a big change in your life.
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