Dear Marilyn,
I currently have a job at a bank. I have worked with them for four months. I am a teller. I like the job a lot, because I am able to schedule my working hours around my classes in college during the school year. I work part time, and I get plenty of hours for my needs.
My mom and my sister, who is also my best friend, are planning to go back home to Afghanistan. They are also going to Pakistan, as some of my other family members are living there. They will also make a stop in London.
My mom is going back home because her sister is ill, and she is going to care for her for two months.
I would really like to go with my mom and my sister. However, I can’t take two month’s off from work. I can’t ask for the time off, as I am a new employee.
They would not be able to let me have that much time off. They would need to replace me.
At the same time, I really want to go. I feel like it would be a once in a lifetime chance to see these places, and spend that much time with my mom and my sister.
I came here when I was three years old, and I have never been back to the place of my birth.
However, I have car payments, and other bills that I must pay. With this economy, I don’t know if I will be able to find another job, if I were to quit and then try to find work when I return.
So, what is your advice? Should I quit my job, and go on a once in a lifetime trip with my mother and sister, or should I stay here and take care of my responsibilities?
Signed, Confused
Dear Confused,
I can certainly understand why you would like to go on the trip. However, you should not walk away from your responsibilities.
When you purchased your car, and you created your other financial obligations, it was with the understanding that you would work and earn money to pay them.
However, there may be a way to accomplish your dream, and still not walk away from your obligations.
The first thing that you need to do is to speak with your employer. Explain the situation.
Since you are part time employee, it is possible that they would allow you to go on the trip, and then allow you to return to work for them when you return. Under these circumstances, it is worth asking them.
If they say that they will be willing to take you back, that would be a great start. Then, determine what the total of your financial obligations will be for the next two months. Determine if there is any way that you can meet them. You may have money saved. I don’t usually recommend that you borrow money from your parents at your age, but in this circumstance, you could tell you mother what you are thinking, and she may be willing to help you.
If you can keep your job, and find a way to live up to your financial obligations, then I would recommend that you go. You will be low on money when you get back, but you will have a lifetime memory.
If you cannot keep the job, and you cannot afford to take care of your financial obligations while you are gone, then you need to stay here.
The choices that one is faced with in life are not always easy ones. You would rather travel with your mother and sister than stay here and work. But, unless you can keep your job and your financial obligations in order, then I recommend that you do not go with them.
Dear Marilyn,
There is this girl that I consider a very good friend. We have been dating for six months.
It was her birthday two weeks ago. She invited me to her party. I told her that I would come, and that one of our mutual friends, John, would bring me over. I do not currently have my own transportation.
The day before her birthday, John decided not to go to her party. He decided to go out to some nightclubs instead.
I called my girlfriend and let her know that I wouldn’t be able to come to her party. She was very angry, and gave me lots of attitude.
I went to see her the following Monday, and she would not talk to me, or even look me in the eye.
I tried to contact her on Facebook, and I asked her why she would not talk to me. She just responded, “talk about what?”
I have no idea if she wanted me to apologize for missing her party, or if she was just joking.
I haven’t written to her, or called her since then.
I need help on deciding if I should make the effort to try to keep her as a friend, or if, based on her behavior, I should move on and find a new girlfriend.
Signed, Wondering
Dear Wondering,
It is definitely time to move on. You really hurt her feelings by not going to her party. I give you credit for letting her know the day before it that you would not be attending.
However, she was probably wondering, as I am, why you couldn’t find another way to get to the party. Just because John couldn’t take you, couldn’t you have found some other way to make it there?
It sounds like it didn’t mean very much to you to be with her on her birthday, and that certainly appears to be what she is thinking.
However, I do not think that she is doing the right thing my refusing to talk to you. I think that she should have listened to what you had to say.
So, it is time to attempt to find a new girlfriend. You need to learn from this past one, though. If you can’t see the mistakes you have made in this current relationship, you are doomed to continue making them.
Dear Readers, please send your questions to Dear Marilyn, 12866 Main St. #203, Garden Grove, CA. 92840. Or, send an email to marilyn.tortolano@ggjournal.com.
