Dear Marilyn,
I am a 23-year-old woman. I have major trust issues with guys, because of my last boyfriend. He constantly lied to me. He was shady and unreliable.
My new boyfriend is, thankfully, nothing like that. However, I catch myself mistrusting him. I sometimes assume that he is lying or deceiving me behind my back.
I know that I have no reason to think this way. He is truly a great guy. He has never given me any reason not to trust him.
However, I have it embedded in my brain that I am going to be as naïve as I was with the first guy. I am afraid that I am going to get hurt.
How can I get over these fears, and stop assuming that I am being lied to, and that I am going to get hurt?
Signed, Burned Before
Dear Burned Before,
You were hurt, and you don’t want to get hurt again. That is understandable and reasonable. However, you can sabotage what could be a very good relationship by being fearful and distrustful.
So, you need to use your head, and not just your heart. Do you know some women that are unreliable? Do you know some gals that can’t be trusted? I’ll bet that you do.
You also know that just because those women are untrustworthy does not make all women that way.
You need to use that logic in your new relationship. Otherwise, you are not being fair to your new boyfriend.
Another thing to remember is that there is a risk in all relationships. There are no guarantees.
However to be worried and distrustful when your boyfriend has given you no reason to be is something you need to stop doing. It is up to you to chose how you are going to handle this relationship.
Don’t ruin a good relationship worrying about a bad relationship. Enjoy yourself and have fun with this great guy.
Dear Marilyn,
My girlfriend lives at home with her mom and dad. We all get along great. The problem is with her older brother. I’ll call him Alan.
Alan is 30 years old. He has no job, and he is still living at home. My girlfriend’s dad doesn’t know what to do about him.
Alan is lazy and not motivated to work. Her dad wants him out, but he won’t kick him out.
What should I suggest that her dad should do? I don’t want to upset her dad or my girlfriend, but I’d like to help them with this situation.
Signed, Bugged By Her Brother
Dear Bugged By Her Brother,
Please stay out of this. Alan is not a part of your family, and Alan’s dad is your girlfriend’s dad, not yours.
Therefore if you were to make suggestions, the odds are that it would lead to disaster. They know the type of person that Alan is, and it is up to his immediate family to deal with the issue.
Your only role in this situation should be to be supportive of your girlfriend and her family.
Do not offer any advice. There is a good chance it would be neither appreciated, nor followed. Do not get into the middle.
Dear Readers, please send your questions to Dear Marilyn at 12866 Main St. #203, Garden Grove, Ca. 92840. Or send an email to me at Mtortolano@ggjournal.com.
