Dear Marilyn,
I have been dating my boyfriend for about eight months now. He doesn’t like my father. He has told me that my views of men are distorted by the way that my father acts towards my mother.
My dad is a great guy. He is not overly demonstrative to my mom, but I am sure that he and my mom are in love.
However, according to my boyfriend, the reason that I am insecure and jealous in our relationship is because of my father. He says that is the reason that he doesn’t like my dad.
I agree that I am insecure and jealous. I am not sure why I am so suspicious of my boyfriend and his actions, but it is true that I am.
He is my first real boyfriend. I guess that I am afraid that I will be hurt, so I am overly cautious with him.
He says that I am overreacting when he doesn’t return my calls and text messages.
I would like to know your opinion. Is it trouble for a relationship if the guy does not like the girl’s father?
Do you think he has another reason for disliking my dad? It doesn’t seem to me that because I am so insecure, that is enough of a reason for my boyfriend to dislike him.
What are your thoughts?
Signed, Wondering
Dear Wondering,
My thought is that you need to dump him. Or, to put it more kindly, you need to end this relationship right away.
I know that he is your first boyfriend, so you do not have experience in matters of the heart.
However, your boyfriend is not good for you. You are probably feeling jealous and insecure for good reason. He ignores your calls and texts until he is good and ready to respond to you.
At the very least, that means he is not receptive to your thoughts and feelings. Instead, he says you are overreacting.
The real issue is that he is blaming your father for the way that you react to him. That is a very bad sign.
He is making no effort to try to work together to resolve your issues. Instead he is saying that you are the way that you are not because of your boyfriend, and how he treats you, but because of your dad.
That sounds like nonsense to me.
So, end this relationship. You need to be with someone who treats you with dignity and respect. You don’t need a guy who ducks his own responsibilities and blames your dad.
Dear Marilyn,
I am new to this country and to this area. I have had to face many difficulties ever since I came here.
My family moved here to give me a better life. I am trying my best to adapt. However, many times I am very lonely and scared.
The part that overwhelms me the most is that this is bound to be what adult life is like. There is never anything set in stone. The future is full of uncertainty.
Things are complicated and overwhelming. Things never seem to work out according to the way they are planned.
I am starting my second year in college. Last year, I tried to meet people, and make friends, but now I see that they won’t necessarily be life long friends. This year we have no classes together, and it appears that they have moved on.
I am disappointed that it worked out that way, but there is nothing that I can do to change the way things are.
I don’t want to be miserable. I know that I have to find a way to make things OK.
I have to understand that this is what it is like to grow up.
Signed, Missing My Childhood
Dear Missing My Childhood,
I think that you are missing your former home and prior environment. This was where you lived when you were younger, and you were happy there.
You are mixing up those emotions with being afraid that adult life is not going to be pleasant for you.
Adult life is not necessarily full of uncertainty and problems. Of course, there are always challenges that will have to be met.
But, hopefully you will soon make some real friends. When that occurs, they won’t drift out of your life even when circumstances change.
Also, when you graduate from college, you will start a career, and hopefully that will be interesting and fulfilling for you.
And, you may meet someone and fall in love.
So, please know that this is a big transition in your life that you are going through. You have left what is safe and familiar, and that is a scary thing to do for anyone at any age.
Don’t think that becoming an adult is unpleasant. Once you are more comfortable in your new home and your circumstances, you will find that there are many advantages to becoming an adult.
Dear Readers, please send your questions to Dear Marilyn c/o Garden Grove Journal, 12866 Main St. #203, Garden Grove, CA. 2840. Or, send an email to Mtortolano@jjournal.com.
