By Brittany Hanson/Garden Grove Journal
The brain of teenager is an often little understood realm for the parent of an adolescent. It is a place filled with emotions, reactions, thoughts, ideas and occasionally confusion.
It is also a place that is still growing.
“They might look like adults, but they’re still growing and maturing,” said Gerardo Canul, psychologist.
The Garden Grove Unified School District hosted a multi-lingual parent outreach night on Nov. 9 at Bolsa Grande High school that dealt with the teenage brain, risky behavior patterns and how to communicate with their children.
Long time school psychologist Sal Garcia discussed the functions within the brain, such as how neuron paths work.
Neurons, which process information, are connected to each other through synapses. As thoughts mature and new information is learned, new synapses are built within the brain, creating a wider network of thought.
“You have to continue to do things to make these, you have to keep yourself thinking,” said Garcia, “When they [teens] don’t do their work, they [literally] lose some of their potential. If you don’t use it, you lose it.”
Garcia gave the example of a teen throwing a tantrum and fighting to get what they want. In a situation where a parent gives in and just gives the child or teen what they want every time they throw a tantrum, then the child or teen is not learning anything other than bad behavior.
“If you just give in without there being a rewards and consequences system,” said Garcia, “they [teens and children] don’t form those connections to be able to make better decisions.”
Staying on the topic of decisions, Parent Educator Patricia Lopez discussed what risky behaviors are in teens.
“Today, our children have a sense of entitlement, as if the parents are there to serve them,” said Lopez, “for parents, especially parents from a different country or culture, there is a gap between how our kids are growing up and how we grew up.”
Lopez had a diagram that showed a wheel of issues, such as truancy, alcohol use, drugs, gangs, sex and sexually transmitted disease, bullying and violence.
“The trouble is, that these are often interconnected,” said Lopez, “by the time you start seeing or noticing these kinds of things, the actions have already happened.”
So how do parents and teens avoid these kinds of situations?
Communication.
Communicating not just through talking, but through body language. Also, an integral part of communication s knowing when to not talk and just let a teen be alone.
Canul told a story about how he was trying to ask his 16-year-old daughter questions about her day, did she want a snack, was she OK and she didn’t verbally respond, just shook her head yes and no.
He then asked if she wanted to be left alone and she shook her head yes. Rather than outwardly panic, although in his head was worried, he just let her go to her room.
A few hours later, he got a message on his phone saying, “I love you daddy.”
“Oh my gosh, she’s not mad, she’s not having problems, she’s OK, she loves me,” Canul said he thought to himself.
Although he wanted to respond with a message of epic proportions, he just wrote back, “Thanks. I love you too.”
Canul said that in talking to teens or children, it is important to realize that they are still figuring out their responses to what they will do.
Canul stressed that parents should ask and be interested in what their teens have to say and said that parents should discuss making a plan about how to deal with pressured situations like sex and drugs.
However, the plan needs to be verbalized as the plan that the teen makes for themselves on how to deal with those situations.
“We can influence them, but ultimately the choice is up to them. It is their choice, their plan, not ours,” said Canul
