Dear Marilyn,
I am in my early 20’s and I am in a relationship with a guy who is 20 years older than I am. We have been dating for about six months.
We get along great. He has a super personality, and he is very caring to me.
My mom has found out about our relationship, and she is very upset. She hates the fact that he was previously married, and that he has two young children.
My mom is always bugging me to break up with him. She says that our age difference is too great, and that it will ultimately lead to my unhappiness.
She also says that I will I never be first in his life. She says that he will always put his children first. She says that I am wasting my youth on this guy.
I am very happy with him, and the age difference doesn’t bother me a bit. Well, truthfully it didn’t bother me until my mom started harping on it every time that I see her.
Now, with all of the worries and negative comments that she is constantly laying on me, I am actually starting to wonder if she is right.
How can I stop my mom from nagging me? Do you think she is right?
Signed, Young and Confused
Dear Young and Confused,
In this case, I agree with your mom. The odds are against your long term happiness in this situation.
Although it is possible for two people to that are 20 years apart in age to have a long term successful relationship, it is definitely exceptional. That is the reason that your mother is pushing you to break up.
One of the primary foundations of a good relationship is for a couple to share common goals and life experiences. That can be difficult in a situation such as yours.
Also, as time passes, the age difference may become more and more difficult for both of you.
Ultimately, of course, the choice is yours. You should not make up your mind about your relationship simply because your mother is against it. As an adult, this is your decision.
However, you really need to consider if a long term future with him is really best for you.
Dear Marilyn,
Everyone in the world knows how awful the economy is. I am very distraught because I have not been able to find a job.
I have worked in the mortgage industry for years. I paid my dues there and worked for a company that appreciated me.
Of course, this is the industry that was one of the first to be affected by the financial market, and I lost my job.
I feel like I have a real disadvantage when I go out on interviews. I have not worked since 2008,and that looks bad on my resume.
I am also pretty computer-illiterate, but I don’t think that should be a really big thing. I learned what I had to at my last job, as far as the computer goes, and I know I could learn it at a new job too.
Those are the main things that are my shortcomings. On the positive side, I am people smart, I know how to build great relationships, and I know how to get to the core of what a client really needs.
Also, I know how to put on a smile, and have a professional look and attitude. However, these days that just doesn’t seem like enough.
I can put out 20 resumes a day on Craig’s LIst, but I don’t get a response. And when I try to, as they say “pound the pavement” and go in person to try and get an interview, I am told to apply on their website.
I am just another random applicant with a resume that is not so great.
Do you have any suggestions for me?
Signed, Weary
Dear Weary,
I sure do. My suggestion is that you don’t give up. I am sure that you will find something. It is taking time, but that doesn’t mean that it won’t happen.
In the meantime, go ahead and take some computer classes. Don’t wait for the on the job training that we both know you would succeed at when you are hired.
Learn about as many computer applications as you can. It will help you with the skills that you are lacking. The more that you know, and the fresher your skills, the better are your chances for being selected.
Keep networking. Keep posting those resumes. Keep up your positive attitude. You will be selected.
Dear Readers, please send your questions to Dear Marilyn c/o Garden Grove Journal, 12866 Main St. #203, Garden Grove, CA 92840. Or, send an email to ggjournal@aol.com
