Dear Marilyn,
My husband is a great guy in every way but one. He is romantic, caring, has a great job, and he is very supportive of me in my career.
The problem is, he doesn’t do his fair share in keeping the house clean. I can’t see why such a bright guy would have this problem.
He leaves piles of clothes next to the laundry basket. I mean, really, why not just put them in the basket?
He leaves trash on the kitchen counter, which is right next to the trash can. I don’t understand why it is so difficult for him to put things in their proper places.
I have mentioned this to him several times. At first he would look sheepish and guilty and he’d say that he would try and remember.
Now, he looks irritated and almost angry at me.
I don’t get it. He is the one that is being forgetful or careless. He shouldn’t be mad at me.
How can I get him to take the extra second to put things where they belong?
Signed, Annoyed
Dear Annoyed,
Although it is understandable that you are annoyed with him, I think that you’d should take a step back and look at the bigger picture.
He is a great guy. Except for this one issue, he is perfect for you. So, I’d suggest you let this go.
The reason that he is starting to look angry at you for reminding him of this issue is that he is becoming irritated at you for nagging him about it.
So, I recommend that you stop bringing it up. Go ahead and throw the stuff on the kitchen counter away, and grab the laundry and put it in the basket.
And, here’s the trick. Don’t let yourself feel superior or resentful for doing these chores.
Also, don’t say another word about it to your husband. Certainly don’t point out to him that you are now doing these things. He will notice.
You need to understand that marriage is a compromise. The peace and happiness that this small gift to him will bring to your relationship is really more important than the trash being put in the trash can.
Focus on all of the things that you love about this guy and let this go.
Dear Marilyn,
My little brother, age 16, has his first girlfriend. I found out about her the other night when they were talking on our front porch.
I was very curious about her, so I quickly texted my best friend’s little sister who is in the same grade as my brother.
She knows this girl very well, and said that she is a bad news bear, and not someone that my brother should hang around with.
I don’t what to do. My brother is very young, and I don’t want to see him get hurt.
Should I talk to him and tell him that this is not a girl that he should be seeing? Or do I leave him alone, and hope that things work out for the best?
What do you recommend that I do?
Signed, Concerned Older Sibling
Dear Concerned Older Sibling,
Absolutely stay out of this. You don’t even know this girl. Just because your friend’s younger sister doesn’t like her, is no reason for you to get involved in this.
The girl may turn out to be very nice, and they may have a good time together. If, on the other hand, she is not right for your brother, he will find out soon enough.
You can not protect him from the things that will happen in his life. He will make his own decisions and mistakes, and he will learn from them.
Give him the freedom to grow. And, of course you will always be there for him when he turns to you for help or advice.
Dear Readers Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of you. Please send your questions to: Dear Marilyn c/o Garden Grove Journal, 12866 Main St. #203, Garden Grove, Ca. 92840. Or send an email to mtortolano@ggjournal.com
In response to “Annoyed”: I agree with you, Marilyn; she should feel blessed to have a loved one to pick up after. I can think of hundreds of women who would give anything to trade places with her just to have a husband who is romantic, caring, has a great job, and who is very supportive of her in her career. My vote? Forget about keeping score, stop whining, and take a moment to give him a big, sloppy kiss and think about the number of things he does for you every day that go unnoticed.
In a world full of lonliness, hostility, violence, and apathy, there are certainly larger things to be concerned with than missing the laundry basket and leaving trash on the kitchen counter.