Dear Marilyn,
I am a student at a community college, and I have just found out that I have been accepted to the school of my dreams in the fall.
For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to attend this university, and get my Bachelor’s Degree. I should be happy, but I am a nervous wreck.
The whole transfer process is so scary. I have caught myself thinking “what if they lose my transcripts?” Or, “what if all of my classes don’t transfer over?”
Then I also worry that I might forget where the new classes are. I won’t know a soul, and what if I don’t fit in?
It’s so odd, because I didn’t feel this way when I came to the community college. It just seemed like a natural progression. I have made lots of friends, and my grades are good.
But, now I am a so jittery about the prospect of it all.
What are some things that I can do to calm down and help my nerves during this complicated and scary transfer process?
Signed, Anxious College Student
Dear Anxious College Student,
Congratulations! How wonderful that your dream is about to come true. You need to focus on the achievement of your goal, and not let your nerves get the better of you.
It is highly unlikely that you will have any, or all of your fears actually occur. But, since they are making you nervous, you need to overcome them.
The way to do that, is to face each of your fears, and make a plan for what you will do if they actually happen.
For example, if they should lose your transcripts, you would get another copy. If it turns out some of your classes don’t transfer over after all, then you will have to take a few more classes to graduate.
To make sure that you don’t get lost on the new campus, you will go over after you get your class assignments, and get the lay of the land. You can map out the way to get from class to class, and keep the map with you at first.
As for making new friends, you will do just what you did at your current school. You will find classmates with similar interests, and make a sincere effort to get to know them. They will like you just fine!
Every time a new “what if” enters your mind, then just answer it with what you will do if it were to actually happen.
Remember that many of the other students are feeling just like you are. Relax. You are going to do just fine.
Dear Marilyn,
I don’t consider myself superficial, but I can’t help but find my boyfriend selfish at times. We have been together for four years.
At the start of our relationship, he did not have a car, and I used to earn more than he did. Therefore, I was the one driving everywhere, and I would pay for most of our dates.
A year later, he got a car and a better job. We shared the costs of our dates, and he did the driving.
Now, he makes quite a bit more than I do, and he pays for most of our dates. About a year ago, he got into a car accident, and his car was destroyed.
He has not replaced his car. He wants a really nice, expensive one and is saving up for it. The problem is, he is always driving my car.
I think that because he borrows my car so often, he’s not motivated to buy a car that is less expensive, and one that he could afford to buy right now.
We argue about this constantly. Then he will bring up that he is paying for our dates, so I am being selfish not to let him use my car whenever he wants to.
My family thinks he’s a bit of a jerk. I am embarrassed that they think that way, but I have to admit, I’m starting to wonder about our relationship.
I hate all of this fighting. Yet, I really think he is wrong not to buy a car that he can afford now.
I can’t help wondering if he is the guy for me. What do you think?
Signed, Sick of Fighting
It’s time for you to listen to your instincts and end this relationship. A relationship that is full of fighting and drama is not a good one.
I agree with you. I think that he should buy a car that he can afford now, and not rely on using yours.
It could be years before he can afford the car that he really wants. You know it, and I’ll bet at some level he does too.
You have expressed your feelings on this issue, and he is not honoring them. Instead, you are constantly fighting.
So, as painful as it is to break up, it is the best thing for you in this case. It is time to move on, and find someone that you can respect, and that is a true partner for you.
Dear Readers, please send your questions to: Dear Marilyn, c/o Garden Grove Journal, 12866 Main St. #203, Garden Grove, CA. 92840. Or, send an email to mtortolano@ggjournal.com.
