Marilyn Tortolano
Dear Marilyn,
I have a great job. I love the people that I work with, and every day there is something new and challenging to learn.
I can take constructive criticism from my boss very well. The problem is that he is fine at handing out criticism, but he does not give any kind of acknowledgement for a job done well.
He is always quick to tell me and the other employees when something is done wrong. However, when something is done right, he will never praise us, or say the words “good job”.
His behavior is starting to take a toll on my work ethic. I feel as though even if I try hard, I will not hear a thing about it from the boss.
I think that it is always nice to hear that my work is appreciated, and that what I accomplish there is important.
Do you think that I should have a conversation with my boss about how to fix this problem?
Signed Unappreciated Employee
Dear Unappreciated Employee,
I agree with you, and I think that your boss is wrong in not praising you and your coworkers. I think that he should make sure that all of you are happy, appreciated and motivated at work.
However, many bosses make the mistake that he is making. They take the position that it is expected for employees to do a good job. Many feel that since employees get a paycheck for working, that is the reward.
Also, some managers are so busy with their other tasks, that they only take the time to point out the things that need to improve.
So, you have two choices. The first is to accept things as they are.
It sounds like the rest of the job is great. You and your coworkers can be each other’s support system, and praise each other when you observe good work.
Your other options is, as you noted, to have a conversation with the boss. It may not work, but I think it is worth a try.
You can either speak to him on your own, or get a few of your coworkers to join you. Let him know that you would really appreciate it if you could hear some praise from him more often.
Be sure and tell him that the job is great, and is many ways very rewarding. However, you would all like to hear some praise from him.
It will be interesting for you to hear his response. If he is receptive, things may change. However, he may say that is not his style, and not a focus area for him.
Either way, you need to learn from this experience. The joy of a job well done really can be it’s own reward. It’s just not as much fun.
Someday, you may be a leader of a business and you will know exactly how to treat your employees.
Dear Marilyn,
I had a best friend named Kevin for six years. However, during our senior year in high school, he started dating a friend of mine named Brenda. Everything was ruined.
At first, all was fine. Then, Kevin started to abandon me for Brenda, even when we had already made plans for just the two of us to hang out.
I guess you could say I became angry and bitter. But, he wasn’t being a good friend. He was no longer there when I needed him.
It turns out that Brenda thought that I was trying to steal Kevin away from her, and she told him to quit hanging out with me.
It has been a year and a half since we have spoken. I recently found out that he has broken up with Brenda, and that he has moved to Nebraska to live with his mom.
He recently sent me a message on Facebook saying “Hi, are you still mad at me?”
This is where I need your help. I have not gone a day without thinking of him, and missing the fun we used to have, and his friendship. Yet, there were also feelings of abandonment and disappointment in him.
How can I be sure that if I give him another chance that he won’t do the same thing to me again if he meets another girl?
Signed, Ex Best Friend
Dear Ex Best Friend,
You can’t be sure that he won’t do it again. However, since you were so close, and you miss him so much, I see nothing wrong with striking up your friendship again.
Let him know that if he does start a new relationship one day, that you hope that he learned from the last one, and that you can always be friends.
Then, just enjoy each other’s friendship. Don’t expect too much of him, and hopefully he won’t disappoint you.
Go for it. This time, he may really be a friend for life.
Dear Readers, please send your questions to Dear Marilyn, c/o Garden Grove Journal, 12866 Main St. #203, Garden Grove, Ca. 92840. Or, send an email to Mtortolano@ggjournal.com.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
