Dear Marilyn,
Marilyn Tortolano
I am 24 years old, and I hope to graduate from college in the spring. My plan has always been to move away for a year or two after I graduate.
I want to find out what it is like to live somewhere else, and meet new people. Of course I plan on finding a job there and making my own way.
Recently, my parents have had a financial setback. So, I am helping my parents out with the bills.
I am now afraid of leaving them. I’m afraid that they need my financial help. Yet, I feel as though if I don’t make the big move when I graduate, I may never get another chance to do so.
I am really not sure what to do at this point. Do you think that should abandon my dream of living in a new place?
I really want to follow my dream, but I am not sure how to do this without hurting my family. I think if I stay home I will resent it.
What do you advise? Should I stay home and help out, or shall I spread my wings?
Signed, Bird that wants to fly
Dear Bird that wants to fly ,
It is great that you have been helping your family financially, and you should be very proud of yourself. So, how do you determine when, and if you should stop helping them, and put your own dreams first?
The first thing you need to do is to figure out if the financial help that you are giving to them is assisting them with essential needs, or things that are nice to have.
For example, are some of their expenses for such things as cell phones, cable TV and large gasoline bills outside of the gas needed for trips to work? Do they eat out very much?
Or, are their expenses truly for needed living expenses, such as the rent payment and utilities?
If they have quite a few “wants” instead of “needs” then I think you should strongly consider following your dream. They will probably figure out a way to make ends meet, without your assistance.
If you think you should go for it, then sit down and have a heart to heart talk with them. Let them know that you love them very much, and have been proud to help them.
Then also let them know that you would like to try life in a new city, and that if you do so, it would be difficult to continue to assist with their finances.
I am hopeful that they will support your decision, and encourage you to go. If they do, go and don’t feel guilty. I agree with you that if you don’t go now, it may be difficult to do it later in life.
However, if they request that you stay, then your decision will be much harder. In that case, only you can decide if leaving home will be the right thing for you to do.
Dear Marilyn, Help!! My wife has gone totally organic on me! We must do all of our shopping at “green” or “whole” food markets.
There must be no chemicals is anything– greens, vegetables, meats poultry, eggs, bananas– even milk must now be organic.
We even had an organic bird for Thanksgiving. Sorry, no giblets and no gravy.
In my opinion, the wife’s organic craze has gone too far. I can’t even get her to cook up my favorite thick Italian meatballs, dripping in sauce and stringy cheese on a garlic toasted bun.
Do you have any suggestions for me?
Signed, Hubby who’s had it to here with organic.
Dear Hubby who’s had it to here with organic.
I think that you have been very patient. It really seems to me that a compromise is in order. In my view, just because your wife has this passion, doesn’t mean that you have to share it so completely.
Certainly one option is for you to have the foods that you love when you go out to eat. You can find restaurants that serve food that you can both enjoy.
However, I think that she should compromise when you are eating at home as well. You should each be able to eat what you like.
If she refuses to eat any of your favorite dishes, then the solution is to make meals that include things that you both enjoy. It can be partially organic, and partially Italian!
I hope that your wife will occasionally compromise with you. That seems very reasonable to me.
Dear Readers,
Please send your questions to Dear Marilyn, c/o Garden Grove Journal, 12866 Main Street, #203, Garden Grove, CA. 92840. Or send an e-mail to mtortolano@ggjournal.com.
